Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
