Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
