you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
