Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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