I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
