tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
