Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
