You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
