pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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