I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
