I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
