Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
