i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
