I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
