my phone needs a breathalizer
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
