I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
