i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
