She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
