you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
ttyl tear gas
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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