You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
