Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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