Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
