two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you win again, gameday.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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