I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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