I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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