i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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