just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
