Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
