He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
