you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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