i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
