if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
