hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
