AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
