so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
