We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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