Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
