I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
