Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
