i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
