At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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