There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
