Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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