I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
