You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
