Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
