Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
