I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
