lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
