Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
