Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
