im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
