I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
