I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
