Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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