At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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