I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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